Some of the best conversations happen when you're stuck somewhere with no escape — like a chairlift 10,000 feet in the air with your dad.
On a recent ski trip, between runs and hot chocolates, my dad started doling out relationship wisdom, and I'm so glad he did. Here are my three big takeaways and how you can put them into practice.
1. Life is hard to optimize alone. It's even harder as a couple.
My dad's first observation: "Life is complicated. It's hard enough to optimize your life based on one person, much less two." Add a family into the mix, and suddenly every big decision — moving cities, changing careers, deciding where to invest your time and energy — becomes a negotiation. The couples who thrive aren't just compatible; they're aligned. They know what the other person wants and actively work toward a shared vision.
Try this: Sit down together and each write out your top three priorities for the next year. Share them. Notice where you overlap and where you don't. Get curious and really talk about where you are and where you're going together.
2. Busy lives are shallow lives — unless you do something about it.
"We all live very hectic, crazy lives," he said, "and a lot of times that makes things very shallow." Ouch. But true. When we're constantly running from task to task, we stop asking real questions and settle for surface-level check-ins. The antidote, according to Dad, is intentionality. Create space to go deeper with the people you love and build a genuine community around you.
Try this: Replace one distracted evening per week with a no-phones, face-to-face conversation. It doesn't have to be long. Even 20 minutes of real conversation beats two hours of sitting side by side scrolling or watching TV.
3. Check in. For real.
When I asked how he and my mom stay connected after all these years, his answer was simple. "We try to check in with each other. We talk about what's important to us, how things are going, and what we want to change." Not just "how was your day?" but the bigger stuff: values, goals, and how you're growing together. That habit, he says, "leads to a deeper, more meaningful connection."
Try this: Make a standing ritual where you and your partner ask each other the big questions: what's working? what could be better? It can feel awkward at first, but it gets easier. And the connection you build is worth it.
We're building Tandem Journaling with this guidance in mind. Our journaling activities are designed to help you and your partner slow down, check in, and get aligned on what matters most.
If you want to start living a more connected life with your partner, we have free downloads waiting for you. Here's to the conversations worth having — even the unsolicited ones.
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